Something is not right!

 As the words that Miss Clavel song on Madeline tv show state - Something is not right, Something is quite wrong.

The last week something has been off

I have been reading more, losing sleep, having more grief moments in the lead up to my fortieth birthday.

Just realised I am grieving not having my parents here for this birthday. Grieving the dream of marriage and children dream. Also grieving the ending of my 30s.

This revelation helps me as knowing something was not quite right bugged me

#madeline #40th #grieving #loveones #lifestages #somethingnotright #song

The List

 Plan A - Original Plan

1. Dating

2. Be Engaged

3. Get Married 

4. Have 2 children 

5. Buy a house

6. Buy a holiday house

7. Once or twice a year family get togethers

8. Write a 150 to 200 page book

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20. 

Plan B - Single Lady, No Dependents

1. Buy a house

2. Buy a holiday house

3. Once or twice a year family get together 

4. Travel to England, Ireland, Scotland, Wales

5. Go on 21 day train trip around USA

6. Holiday in Hawaii 

7. Liposuction 

8. 

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10.

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Turning 40

 The last two weeks I have not been myself.

The exercise classes I have enjoyed going to previously I accidentally missed.

I have been binge watching netflix more often.

I have been reading a lot.

Usually means I am trying escape my reality and Im not sure why except the fact I will be 40 in 16 days.

By now I thought I would be married with children. My dad would have walked me down the aisle.

But none of this has happened.

Im single, never dated, no children.

I have been thinking of how my life would be if in 5 years none of this still has not changed.

Will I travel the world, foot loose and fancy free. Periodically seeing my family. Enjoying life unattached. Or will I have met my person?

In today's world who knows with overseas travel stalled, cruises being cancelled each month, social distancing.

Its an interesting time to be alive.

Anything can happen or be adapted to suit post covid times.

#turning40 #lifesitations #single #travel #itsallinyourhead