Father's day

I have just read my sister's blog post and it made me mad but also sad for her about what father's day means to her and how well she can articulate it.

Im a single woman nearing her forties, who has never dated, never had a boyfriend and has no children. Some of it is due to my relationship with my father. I have been able to sympathise about some of what he has gone thru like his PTSD, lack of debriefing from work situations, some of his health issues but not all of it.

Due to my dads ptsd from his 15 years as a paramedic i decided to never have a partner who was in the emergency services as i experienced the impact it has on families.

Due to my own health scare over 10 years ago i understand a little about flashbacks hitting u from nowhere. Also about not taking pills for stuff after the pills i myself took during a intense 6 months as part of health scare.

My dad knew his own mind, he knew his childrens personalities well but also could use it growing up to have us line up with his opinions and beliefs.

I do have great memories of just chilling with my dad. But also memories of moments that have impacted my childhood and adulthood.

The one good thing my dad gave me was to introduce me to Jesus which even going thru some interesting stuff the last 6 years has stopped me from really going off the rails.

So due to the complicated puzzle that was my dad I have some daddy issues, a interesting relationship with God, a lack of hope i will have my own family and marriage but most of all i miss my hug dances i had with my dad or just watching movies n just spending time together. But i am grateful he met my mum as since both my parents have passed i have my mums brothers who check in at times and were supportive during the grieving process of both parents since 2013.